Even in death

Personalization is showing up in medicine, in athletic gear and now in death. Yes the Catholic Church has recognized personalization in modern incarnations of wakes and other mortuary traditions of the church.

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The full story:

Catholics have new options to honor loved ones
By Marty Denzer
Catholic Key Reporter
KANSAS CITY — When a loved one dies, it is left to the living to honor their memory and the memories shared through the years. Through the centuries, Catholics have devised many ways of doing this before the funeral Mass and after.
The vigil kept by the family before the Mass, whether the evening before or in the hours leading up to the liturgy, is as much a celebration of this life as the Mass is a celebration of eternal life in heaven. This may be one reason why the Catholic Church prefers the sharing of memories — eulogies — be a part of the visitation or wake.

Deacon Ralph Wehner, diocesan director of the Office of Worship, said, “The funeral liturgy is the central celebration of the Christian community for the deceased. At the funeral Mass, the community gathers with the family and friends of the deceased to give praise and thanks to God for Christ’s victory over sin and death, to commend the deceased to God’s tender mercy and compassion and to seek strength in the proclamation of the paschal mystery.”

Catholic funeral directors are beginning to suggest ways of personalizing the visitation, to make it unique and memorable. Steve Pierce, president of Muehlebach Funeral Home, said that as baby boomers age and find themselves having to plan funerals for loved ones and even themselves, “they are making funeral choices based on values that are different than in previous generations. Baby boomers see the visitation and funeral as part of the grieving process and are seeking ways to make them meaningful. In fact 64 percent of those surveyed said they wanted visitation and funeral services to be unique and personalized.”

If the person has written down his or her wishes for the visitation, funeral Mass and burial services, it can make it easier for surviving family members and make the services more personal. Often though, it is left to the family to plan the services.

The funeral service consumers of the 21st century are planning services that are as unique as the person who died, Pierce said. “The idea of personalization has resulted in an explosion of unique visitation services that reflect the hobbies, passions and interests of the person who died.”

Photographs and videos of the person, items relating to the person’s job, hobbies or interests, and blank journals where visitors can jot down their own memories of the person are some of the suggestions for personalization, he said.

Funeral liturgies are also personalized. Family members work with the parish priest or counselor to plan the readings from Sacred Scripture, the liturgical music and the intentions. The Order of Christian Funerals forbids eulogies during the Mass, but some information about the person is often worked into the celebrant’s homily. According to Diocesan policy, a brief homily should dwell on God’s compassionate love and on the Paschal Mystery of the Lord, how this mystery was present in the life and death of the deceased and that this mystery is active in the lives of those present as well.

The planners also can designate who will do the readings, who will bring up the gifts at the Offertory and any extraordinary ministers of communion. Working with the parish ensures that a Catholic funeral Mass will stay within diocesan guidelines.

Pierce also said that sometimes pallbearers and readers are asked to wear clothing reflecting the deceased’s personality. For example, pink was the person’s favorite color. So at the funeral Mass, the pallbearers and readers might be asked to wear pink shirts or blouses.

The personalizing can continue to the cemetery. After the committal services are concluded, Pierce suggested that balloons could be released to represent both the soul’s flight to heaven and the joys the person felt in life.

Family planners work with cemetery staff to select a headstone or marker, or the marker preselected by the deceased. The inscription, engravings and medallions containing photographs or religious, cultural or occupational symbolism on the headstone or marker may say as much or as little about the deceased as is desired.

Pierce said another option for Catholics is an online obituary. To enhance their obituary offerings, in the last month Muehlebach Funeral Home has partnered with Tribute.com., an online resource for local and national obituaries. “Families served by Muehlebach will now be able to create beautiful online multimedia tributes that honor their loved ones’ lives with photos, videos, music and more to create a permanent record on our website www.muehlebachchapel.com and on Tributes.com,” he said. “This establishes a special place where family and friends can go to celebrate a loved one, leave a condolence or share a memory or a photo at any time of the day, no matter where they live.

“Through personalization,” Pierce said, “funeral services can be more meaningful. Funeral directors can offer ideas on how families can personalize their loved one’s funeral and are open to suggestions and creativity. The National Funeral Directors Association encourages funeral service consumers to discuss their ideas with their funeral director to ensure an individualized ceremony befitting the person who died.”